Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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