Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
