Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
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