mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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