At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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