You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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