This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
