Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
