i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
