I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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