i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
