i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
