the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
