You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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