woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
