I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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