i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
