I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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