Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
When are your genitals available?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
