i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
