Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
