question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i dont even know how to be here
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
