I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
