Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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