Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
