that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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