He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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