God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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