Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
