DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
