well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
