Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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