the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
