Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
