so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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