My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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