oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
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