I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
