dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
