Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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