You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
