My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
