So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I think I just shit out all my problems.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
