apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
