update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Randomize
