After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
