Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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