Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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