he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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