he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
