Ambien. No doubt about it.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
