Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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