***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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