my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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