i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
