at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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