Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I AM VODKA MAN
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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