It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
